


What I think about on the bus

by feminabeata



Series: Femina Beata's Fan Service [17]
Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-03 06:42:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17279000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feminabeata/pseuds/feminabeata
Summary: These are stories that I think of during my bus rides. They aren't fully fleshed out and more like (very long) scenarios than anything else. But I still wanted to share them with you.





	1. The Princess

**Opening scene:** Sunggyu is an adult, and he's dressed as a man! Because he's a man! Imagine him dressed like Amadeus Gyu, but instead of white hair, his is black and tied at the back. He’s walking around the city like a commoner. Some passerbys greet him; others do not. He largely goes by unnoticed. But he doesn’t mind. He came out to buy something, and he doesn’t have much time before he has to go back to the palace and resume his role as the princess.

 **Then I tell the background:** He lives in a kingdom where women rule, and the royal family line typically always has daughters. His mother was the first in thousands of years to have a son. And the situation was more complicated than that. It wasn't like she could keep trying until she got a girl. She conceived with difficulty and had miscarried several times. Sunggyu was the only child she carried full term and it almost killed her. So it was likely that Gyu would be her only child and that upset her. She kept trying and trying and it eventually killed her. Sunggyu was a child when she passed away. But until that point, he was raised as a girl. Once the queen passed away, her husband (Gyu's dad who didn't have the best relationship with the queen before her death. They fought a lot near the end because he wanted her to stop trying, so he refused to sleep with her. As a result, she slept with other men) allowed Gyu to also live as a boy in addition to being a girl. He didn't want Gyu to repress who he is for his entire life, so he gave Gyu outlets. So now Sunggyu lead a double life. 

He's the princess who is about to take over the throne (his aunt is queen now. She was a place-holder until Sunggyu was old enough to take over). That part of his life is full of rules, restrictions, and obligations. There are some perks to being a princess, like the lavish lifestyle and the power to rule. Sunggyu was a natural-born leader, even if he isn’t a natural born woman.

As a man, he lives like an aristocrat. Since this life is his outlet, he lives more of a playboy-lifestyle and acts out often. He’s loud. He’s crass. He dances like an old man and drinks. The older he gets and the more obligations that he has, the less he gets to live this life, which is sad because he’d put a lot of effort into it, made friends, and even has a career outside of being a royal.

So since he was born, he's been betrothed to....not woohyun but some random person (I am basing this guy off of Sir James from Lady Susan). This prince isn't smart, and he's so easy to please that Gyu and his father just planned that Gyu would go along with the marriage and continue his double life. At night, they'd send a concubine to sleep with his husband, and eventually Gyu would find a wife as a man and get married to her. So he was kinda looking forward to doing that, having somewhat of a normal life and relationship, even if he had to be married to the dumbest prince in all of the kingdoms to do it 

 **Back to present-day:** So he's walking around the city as a man and hears a rumor. his betrothed eloped with some other princess (aka a Lady Susan-type)! Sunggyu knew of that princess and knew that she didn't marry the dumb prince for love but for security. So she got to take advantage of the prince’s dumbness before Sunggyu could.

Gyu rushes home and "quickly" gets dressed as the princess (takes forever because he needs to put on padding, a corset, and his dress is high necked and he has hair pieces to put in and the make-up is done to make like his eyes are different shape). After he’s dressed, he meets with his father, and they are trying to make a plan about what to do. Of course they'll have to meet with the other kingdom because the betrothal was broken and try to get compensated for their loss. But what about the marriage? Gyu asks if he can just marry himself but his dad said “no.” That would eventually create suspicion about how the two were never seen together, and besides, Aristocrat Gyu was a commoner. The princesses of this kingdom were not allowed to marry commoners.

So why does Sunggyu feel pressured to get married? Gyu doesn't have to get married to assume the throne, but he and his father and aunt believe that if he acts as normally as possible when he's a woman, then no one would suspect anything. His husband can help to further perpetrate the “fact” that he is a woman, especially the dumb prince would’ve passionately denied any rumors that Sunggyu was a man. So getting married early had always been a part of their plan.

The real reason why Gyu hadn't assumed the throne yet is because his aunt is actually a really good queen and so he feels conflicted about taking it from her, especially since he's not a real woman. Yes, he’s a natural born leader, but he’s starting to think that maybe he’s not meant to rule the kingdom. He hasn’t told his aunt or father these thoughts. They keep saying that he’ll over take the throne “by the end of the year” every year for 5 years. But Sunggyu always manages to come up with a reason for why it wasn’t time yet. He often used the fact that he wasn’t married yet as an excuse, so his father and aunt are determined to have him wed.

Soon the news breaks out that Princess Gyu is single, and so the suitors start coming (but this isn’t gonna turn into “Suitors” ahaha). With the suitors visiting the palace everyday, Sunggyu runs away often now. He feels overwhelmed. He just needs to step back and reflect on everything. Eventually, his father allows him to spend one month as a man. In the meantime, his dad will select some potential grooms for him, men who seem easy to trick.

During this man-month, Sunggyu stays with his friend, Woohyun. Woohyun and him used to be "rivals" in their social circle. They'd fight for attention and over friends. But they became each other’s best friends, and even started a business together (idk what). When they became closer, Woohyun soon figured out Sunggyu's secret (it was the things Sunggyu’d say off-handedly and some of the mannerisms he had, those exposed him). It's impossible to trick Woohyun, but luckily for Sunggyu, Namu's good at keeping secrets.

During this time, Sunggyu really acts out and even spends a night in jail for getting in a drunken brawl with a stranger. Woohyun had gone along with it all at first, since this was essentially Sunggyu’s “bachelor” party before his next betrothal. But he had to put an end to Sunggyu’s madness when Gyu nearly eloped with young woman, who had gone along with Sunggyu’s idea for the excitement of it. So Woohyun is well aware that Sunggyu is incredibly scared by the fact of marrying someone he doesn’t know (he’d known the dumb prince for his whole life). After ripping Sunggyu away from his “wedding,” Woohyun has him sober up and actually talk through this. After talking, Woohyun suggests that they should just get married. Of course there is the issue that Woohyun is a commoner, but woohyun is wealthier than some princesses. Maybe if he just bestowed a title on Woohyun and convinces the Council of Elders that he was a worthy match for the princess, this could actually work! The man-month isn’t even finished yet, but Sunggyu returns to the palace to share this idea with his father, who is on board and chides himself for not thinking of it sooner.

The Elders don't really like the idea of a commoner becoming a part of the royal family, so they suggest to have a ball and invite several royals and Woohyun to see how well he does. Sunggyu's nervous because this would be the first time Woohyun would be with him as a princess. Then the ball happens, and honestly Namu sticks out like a sore thumb. His manners aren't polished. He knows no one, and he stays quietly in a corner when Sunggyu isn't around. and when Sunggyu is around, well, Namu is loud and easily excited and causes a stir in the ballroom. But overall, he was nice, genteel, and left a good impression on the other royals, who slowly warmed up to the commoner. When the night was nearly done, one of the Elders came up to Sunggyu and said that they'd considered making an exception for Namu.

Excited to share the news with his friend, Sunggyu leads Namu to the palace garden and Gyu tells him what the elder just said. He's really happy. This will be much better than marrying the other guy. He can hang out with his friend in the palace now and they both can find people to love later on. While Gyu is excitedly talking about this, Namu is quiet and looks guilty.

 "I should tell you...I should've told you from the start...I don't want to marry you so that you could be free. I want to marry you because I love you."

Sunggyu’s first instinct is to be angry. Namu choose to tell him when he's wearing such big and restricting clothes. He can hardly breathe as it is, and Namu had to tell him this? He can’t even runaway or properly fight him, which he wants to do right now. He just has this overwhelming feeling to hit Namu because he kinda feels betrayed. Love wasn’t a part of this plan! And now Namu ruined everything. Sunggyu doesn’t know what to say to him, so he doesn’t say anything at all. He just wants to leave, so he does. slowly because his dress weighs a ton.

Time passes, and Sunggyu’s dad is getting curious as to why they aren't proceeding with his betrothal to Woohyun. Sunggyu kept saying it wouldn't work out that Woohyun wasn't who he thought he was. His dad asks if they fought. No, they really didn't. Then what's going on between them? Sunggyu doesn't know.

The truth is, leading his double life has really messed with his head. He really doesn't know who or what he is. He only feels like he's filling out roles in his life: the princess and the aristocrat. Neither of those roles are the real Sunggyu. Furthermore, he thought he felt attracted to men because he spent half of his life as a woman. But as a real man, he feels like he shouldn't like men. So he's really conflicted over his feelings for Namu and how Namu could have feelings for him. Nothing really made sense anymore, especially his relationship with Woohyun, which up until this point, had been one of the few things that Gyu could rely on as being a constant.

One night, tired of being alone and tired of this "fight" with Woohyun, Sunggyu sneaks away to Woohyun's house. He's dressed as the princess this time. When woohyun lets him in, he immediately confesses his feelings and kisses Namu on the cheek. Woohyun looks even sadder and more confused than before.

"Will you only let me love you when you're like this? Will you only allow yourself to when you're like this? I don't want that either."

Sunggyu is upset because he thinks Namu will only love his aristocrat side, but he's not really that either. The aristocrat isn't the real Sunggyu either, even though it’s his life as a man. It was his outlet, his Id. And although Sunggyu tended to let his guard down more with Woohyun as the aristocrat, it was never down fully. Woohyun wasn’t fully aware of his Princess side yet, and now Woohyun doesn’t seem interested in getting to know it at all.

Woohyun, on the other hand, is just as upset. He doesn't understand why Sunggyu is so conflicted and guarded. Does Sunggyu want him or not? He can’t even get that much out of him. And he’s starting to question if he knows this person at all.

So after engaging in a shouting match, Woohyun asks Sunggyu to leave, and he does.

A litte while later, Sunggyu realizes why Woohyun was so upset and decides to open up with him. He summons Woohyun to the palace. Namu is brought into his study. Gyu is dressed as the princess, and Namu is very apprehensive. Unfortunately, something had come up, and Gyu has to leave to deal with something as soon as Woohyun shows up. "How much time can you give me?" Namu said he'd give him his whole day, which makes Sunggyu happy because not all hope is lost for them. 

It really takes the whole day for him to finish with the matter. When he's done, Gyu goes into his bedroom where he asked Namu to be brought. Woohyun is already there when he walks in.

Sunggyu dismisses the staff and has Namu help him out of his outfit and to remove the hair pieces. He breaks down in the middle of it. He tells Namu that he feels like this is the real him, somewhere in between. Not a man or a woman. Namu finally understands what is going on with Gyu. They talk for a long time about it. At the end of it, Aoohyun confesses again, saying that he still loved Sunggyu, and Sunggyu is relieved because he was so afraid that this would scare him away. He finally knows that he can really trust Woohyun with everything, and so he allows himself to finally fall in love with him.

Sunggyu also eventually gets the courage (and with Woohyun to support him) to tell his father and aunt that he feels unfit to rule. It doesn’t matter if he could marry Woohyun who’d help him to fool the kingdom into thinking he was a woman for the rest of his life. Sunggyu can’t live like this anymore, and it would eventually really affect his relationship with Woohyun. How would they produce an heir? One of them would have to sleep with a woman, and Sunggyu wasn’t sure if their relationship could endure that. Besides, his relationship with Woohyun was so fresh. He doesn’t want to rush into marriage. Everything turns out for the best because Sunggyu’s father confesses that he had been secretly carrying on a relationship with the aunt, who is now pregnant (it really wasn’t a surprise to anyone). So she could continue to be queen and the royal line would have an heir. Sunggyu is now free to live any life that he chose, with Woohyun by his side J


	2. Pride and Prejudice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please thank aeggyu/lately for this idea! She put this idea into my head ages ago.

**Setting:** A (maybe bizarre) hybrid of the Regency Era and the Choson Dynasty, and the outfits reflect that too, Greco-Roman silhouettes with brightly colored, traditional Korean fabrics. Kim Sunggyu is the (sorta) young master of a large estate. It is just him and his older sister after his father had passed away. One the estate, like many others in the country, is a shrine to his family’s gods and ancestors. The family that operates the shrine has two sons, who had been orphaned at a young age, and so Sunggyu’s father had taken them under his wings and into their house.

 **Present-day:** Sunggyu is accompanying his close-friend Sungyeol who is moving to the eastern side of the country, to a village nestled in the mountains where it is cooler. Sungyeol said it was just the place they needed because they were so hot headed. Sunggyu didn’t know if that was true, but he did need to escape from that estate for a while and the memories attached to it.

Sunggyu isn’t the only one in Sungyeol’s entourage. Sungyeol’s cousin Mijoo is with them, as well as Daeyeol and his betrothed. Sunggyu quickly realizes that this trip has ulterior motives, and the Yeol brothers are in on it: Mijoo has her sights set on Sunggyu. And Sunggyu supposed that he could marry her, for a second, but then he realized that she was far too much for him to handle. Soon she’ll realize that he was not enough for her, but now is not that time.

Mijoo isn’t the only one in the household with marriage on the mind. After being invited to a country ball, Sungyeol became acquainted with a family of 5 daughters. Daughter A, the prettiest, caught his attention, and true to form, Sungyeol fell too hard too fast. Sunggyu doesn’t care for this family. He heard the mother talk about wanting her daughters to marry the richest men in the room (which just happened to be Gyuyeol). And Daughter B had insulted him for not wanting to dance at a ball and for standing alongside the wall, not having a good time. Well, Sunggyu wasn’t in the mode for joviality when he was watching his friend fall for a flower snake.

And the snake came slithering into their home, became “miraculously” sick, and had to stay with them for days. Sungyeol attended to her, religiously, which left Sunggyu awkwardly alone with the brother, the brother’s fiancée,  and Mijoo. Then B arrives to care for her sister, but while her sister sleeps (and Sungyeol creepily watched her sleep), she came to talk to Sunggyu, like a normal human being. And Sunggyu appreciated that. She seemed different from the rest of her family, or she made herself to seem that was (Sunggyu was still wary of her).

A gets better and leaves the house with B. Sunggyu is willing to give A a benefit of a doubt now. Well, that is until Sunggyu stumbles across the sisters on his way to town, and they are all playing joyfully with a man all too familiar to him, Nam Woohyun.

 **Background:** From the moment the Nams entered the Kim household, Sunggyu’s father began to favor them. It was because they had just lost their parents, looking back on it Sunggyu knew that was what it was. But it still took Sunggyu by surprise when he left both of the brothers a large portion of HIS inheritance. Boohyun took that inheritance and went with his wife to tend to the shrine, which his own father left him. Woohyun, on the other hand, left soon after the father’s death (as if he couldn’t wait any longer) and went to the city. Sunggyu bid him good riddance because he could no longer stand the sight of that man. And now he will never have to see him again.

Or that was what he thought.

A little over a year later, and Sunggyu saw that familiar mop of hair bopping around the shrine as if nothing had happened. Woohyun blew through his inheritance. Woohyun had blown his father’s money, his father’s dying gift to a boy he loved like a son. Sunggyu had gone over almost immediately to confront him about it, and he received no straight answer about what happened to the money. Gambling? “Well, I _guess_ you could call it a gamble.” Women? “I did meet with a woman or two, but how can one live through life without meeting with one? Well, I guess _you_ can.” Alcohol? “Even _you_ can’t deny yourself a drink or two.”

Sunggyu was thinking about letting it slide and allowing Woohyun to devote the rest of his life to that tiny little shrine, but then Woohyun entered the house once again, by his older sister’s invitation. Jieun had been of marriageable age for quite some time, for too long of a time in her mind. She was a pretty girl with good standing and fortune but no prospects because of the lack of eligible bachelors in the area. She had tried to be introduced to men from other towns, but with no luck. And now a handsome young boy came into the vicinity whom she’s never considered before because she had always seen him as a little boy, but the year away had turned him into a man (in her mind, at least).

And Woohyun wasn’t just playing with her like he used to; he was playing with her heart now too. Sunggyu watched Jieun fall in love with him and watched Woohyun just not care. He even had the audacity to joke about marrying her.

Unable to bear it any longer, Sunggyu gave him the ultimatum: be responsible and marry his sister or get out of his house.

The following day, Woohyun enlisted in the military and left the estate. And that was that. He had left and left Jieun with a broken heart, which she hasn’t been able to recover from to this day. She has resigned herself to being an old maid in a big house, spending the rest of her life with her little brother.

Sunggyu had resigned himself to eternal single-hood along with his sister, until Sungyeol had invited him on this trip, and the notion of marriage had finally penetrated his hard head.

And the woman who had put that notion in his head was now laughing along with Sunggyu’s greatest enemy.

 **Present-day:** He lost any trust or good opinion he had of B and her family at that moment. Them being in Woohyun’s company had revealed their true character. They were in legion with the devil.

(And if you hadn’t noticed by now that this is a Pride and Prejudice AU with Sunggyu as Mr. Darcy and Woohyun as Mr. Wickham, then you need to go and read the book! Or at least watch the movie/series. Just ingest the original story in any way, shape, or form!)

The devil had caught sight of him and tipped his hat towards Sunggyu, who returned the greeting with a nasty glare and then rode off. Sunggyu returned to the estate in a mad hurry, eager to tell Sungyeol about who he’d just seen girls A thru E consorting with. But he never got to. Sungyeol and the rest were busy planning the ball that they’d promised the girls that they’d hold. And Sunggyu held his tongue, not wanting to spoil their fun. Sungyeol would know himself soon enough. Nam Woohyun was never one to refuse a ball.

And, indeed, the devil showed up with an evil smirk on his face as he walked into the ball with the youngest daughters, D and E, on each arm. Both of whom, he abandoned once B asked him to dance, but before taking to the dance floor, he promised to have the next dances with all of the daughters, except for C, who had found a piano and was having a gleeful time playing it horrendously, and of course A, who was Sungyeol’s for the night.

Sunggyu watched this disaster of a ball unfold with a shake of his head. The girls’ mother was already bragging about the undeniable nuptials between A and Sungyeol and how it would triple her family’s income. And although A was a polite, cordial, beautiful girl, an ideal mate (with the exception of the family that came with her) she was not in love with Sungyeol. Sunggyu was certain of it.

However, Sunggyu couldn’t insert himself between that couple and keep them apart because he was more concerned with the devil in a red coat. Once his dance with B was over and D was about to drag him back onto the dancefloor, before she could, Sunggyu intercepted them. “To my knowledge, you weren’t invited into this home. We’ve allowed you to have your fun, but I’m afraid that I must ask you to leave now. You’re not exactly welcomed here,” he tried to maintain his cool head, as all of the girls and perhaps the whole room was staring at him, but Woohyun’s gaze was making him hot with fury.

“But I was invited.”

“What? Preposterous! By whom?”

“Me,” Mijoo answered as she slipped her arm around Sunggyu’s. “Woohyun-oppa said that he was a family friend of yours. He is, isn’t he?” she added after noting the man’s sour expression. She was unaware of the mistake she made or that she’d fallen for the devil’s honeyed tongue like the rest of them.

“He’s no friend of mine,” Sunggyu brought the matter to a close and pulled his arm away from Mijoo’s. He walked away from everyone. He had wanted to find Sungyeol and drag him away so that they could talk. He could hardly contain himself any longer. But after seeing his dear friend, drunk on wine and love, wrapped in the snares of the kindest flower snake, Sunggyu abandoned that plan and went to go find an empty room to hide in and wait out the ball.

Sunggyu wasn’t able to do that either because he was being followed the entire time, completely unawares. “I am sure that at some point in your refined education, you were taught that you shouldn’t treat an invited guest like that,” B complained to him once they were away from most of the others, with only C’s tinny piano-playing to keep them company. “Nam Woohyun-ssi shouldn’t be treated thusly.”

“Did you follow me just to abuse me?” Sunggyu hissed back.

“Yes,” B quickly replied. “He told me about the two of you, about your past.”

“It isn’t your place to know.”

“But it is!” B nearly cut him off, and that declaration made Sunggyu wonder how close those two really were, what were Woohyun’s intentions with a girl of a large, chaotic family and small dowry.

After staring at her for a few seconds in wonderment, Sunggyu replied, “I cannot convince you to believe his own word against mine, especially in a setting like this. If you want to continue to abuse me on this matter, I won’t be able to defend myself.”

“Then I’ll comment on how you are attending a ball, yet you have not danced although there are many eligible dance partners who’ve not danced. You’re not fulfilling your role as the part of the host’s party.”

Sunggyu never wanted to dance and never wanted this ball to begin with and yet he had to shoulder hosting responsibilities as he was Sungyeol’s friend. It was unfair, almost as unfair as being judged based on Woohyun’s words alone. But being a gentleman, Sunggyu had to take in all in stride, and so he strode up to B, took her hand, and led her to the dance floor.

He had no intentions of dancing that night, but dancing with B was oddly…pleasant.

When the ball was over, Sunggyu finally had the opportunity to talk with Sungyeol and attempt to drive some cold-hard sense into that head of his, thinking only warm and loving thoughts. As he talked, Sungyeol’s smile dropped to a frown and his bright eyes grew dull. When the conversation was over, Sungyeol muttered, “I understand, hyung. We’ll leave for the city tomorrow,” which was exactly what he’d wanted to hear.

Sunggyu also heard that Woohyun left town that day. His troop was stationed a few towns over. Hopefully neither of them would cross paths any time soon.

However, when they went to the city, someone unexpected did follow in their footsteps, A. She called on them a few times during their stay. Sungyeol never answered. “I need some time to think,” he told Sunggyu after he set her fifth calling card down at the table. “But this _means_ something, doesn’t it? She followed us here and hasn’t stopped writing us since she arrived. It _has_ to mean something.”

“It does,” Sunggyu agreed. “But I couldn’t tell you what it means.” They both knew that it could be either one of two things: she was just in love with Sungyeol as he was with her or she was a persistent flower snake who wasn’t ready to let go of her prey just yet. Sunggyu feared it was the latter.

In any case, Sunggyu felt as if he interfered enough in Sungyeol’s love life. That boy needed to work out his heart on his own. And Sunggyu also needed to escape from Mijoo. So he went home. He hadn’t seen his beloved sister in far too long.

Once again, those sisters seemed to follow in his step. B and her aunt and uncle were visiting his estate’s grounds, which he often allowed the public to do. They were far too rich and extensive for he and his sister to enjoy on their own. When he paid a visit to his family’s shrine, he found B there talking with Boohyun. Sunggyu half-expected Woohyun to be in the room as well, but B, flustered at his arrival, revealed that she’d come with family. Sunggyu also expected to feel relief at that, but he grew more tense and more anxious. Although he knew that Woohyun should be with the rest of his troop, Sunggyu found himself thinking, “Then what is Woohyun doing?”

That man was more on his mind far more often recently. Sunggyu found himself anticipating Woohyun to emerge from every shadowy nook and cranny at his home like a specter, but he never did because he was towns away. And Sunggyu was here, with his sister and B, enjoying a pleasant meal at Boohyun’s table. Pleasant, Sunggyu still fond it rather odd how he enjoyed being in B’s company in spite of himself. So he concluded that she must be different from the rest of her family, better in some way. And when he told her that, she took offense.

“Even in complementing people, you can’t manage to do it without insulting them in some way,” she sneered at him. “I am not different from my family. I am just like them. Perhaps you have misjudged them as you have done with myself and even Woohyun-ssi.”

“What does Woohyun have to do with this?” Sunggyu spat back. “Why must you always bring him up?”

“Because your treatment of him confuses me beyond all comprehension,” B admitted. She then paused to swallow down her welling feelings but failed to keep them all down. Her eyes were shining and her voice cracked. “My sister as well. You’ve done her much ill. I heard that you were the one who advised Sungyeol-ssi to leave, to cut off contact with her. What has my sister done to deserve that?”

“I never told Sungyeol to do such a thing. I only told him to pull back and reconsider. I cannot be blamed for your sister seeming less genuine in her feelings for my friend than he was for her.”

“My sister hides her true feelings even from me!” B cried. “She’s shy,” her voice was a soft whisper now. “And now she’s heartbroken because a stranger thought she was too passive in expressing herself…She even followed Sungyeol into a city where she’s never been, and it still wasn’t enough to convince you. What _will_? What will move that cold heart of yours?”

“If you truly think myself to be so cold-hearted when I do things with my friend’s best interest in mind, then…I don’t know what more I can do to convince you otherwise. Your mind appears to be set on it,” and with that Sunggyu left for his house, where he passed the evening with his sister in silence.

The following morning, Sunggyu knew how to convince her. He wrote a letter that explained everything, everything that happened between him and Woohyun and every poor relationship that Sungyeol had because he was too trusting. Hopefully, B could recognize that his intentions were good and that his heart was anything but cold. He wished it were cold. Lately he’d let his hot head get the better of himself, firing off into rage at a moment’s notice and simmering down just as quickly.

That fact would be evident enough in this letter because his language was as colorful as a raging fire. He gave it to B anyway. If she already thought poorly of him, she might as well know full well who he was and then dislike him still.

But she didn’t dislike him anymore it seemed, after reading the letter. Instead, she extended her stay in the town, citing that she was staying with her cousin and friend who tended to the shrine at the estate nearby which belonged to the gentleman Kim Myungsoo. And so Sunggyu invited her to dine with him and his sister a few more times during her stay.

“You seemed to have changed your mind about me,” Sunggyu finally felt brave enough to breech the topic after dinner one night.

“I have, in a way. I decided not to assign any sort of character to you until I learn more.”

“What else do you need to learn? I already told you everything,” Sunggyu argued.

“I know you dislike hearing his name, so prepare yourself,” she teased him. “I am still trying to reconcile your account with Woohyun-ssi’s. I am not sure who to trust.”

“Me!” Sunggyu burst out, at which B laughed.

“I don’t think you’re aware of how much your thoughts show upon your face,” she revealed after coming down from her laughing fit. “When you’re having a poor time, when you’re enjoying yourself, when you worry, when you’re thinking of your sister, when you’re thinking of _him_ , it all shows on your face.”

“Who am I thinking of now?” he challenged.

“Me,” she answered.

But she was wrong. The person who was on his mind showed up to the estate a few days later, when B was on an excursion with her friend. His sister was the first one to notice Woohyun’s arrival, as if his presence cooled the air around her. She refused to leave the house to greet him, still embarrassed by their conduct earlier.

“I am here to pay my respects to my mother, afterwards I will take my leave,” Woohyun told the other when they crossed paths outside of the shrine.

Sunggyu nodded. He knew what today was very well. He had just paid his respects at her grave earlier. But he was still suspicious of Woohyun. His visit could have more than one purpose, especially when the lady who brought them back together was staying at the estate nearby. “B has been staying here for the last month. Her cousin attends to the shrine on Myungsoo-ssi’s estate,” Sunggyu brought the matter up, hoping to bring up Woohyun’s true intentions with it.

“Is that so?” Woohyun seemed confused as to why Sunggyu mentioned her.

“She is not there now because she is on an excursion with her friend,” Sunggyu continued, not falling for the other’s feigned ignorance. “I gather that she’ll be back tomorrow.”

Woohyun appeared frustrated at that. He looked away and chewed on his lips. “You two have become awfully close in my absence,” he remarked as coolly as he could.

“We have,” Sunggyu admitted, quickly. He judged that he was closer with B than Woohyun was now. Of course, it shouldn’t be a competition, but Sunggyu still wanted to win over him.

Woohyun turned his gaze back on the other. “Will you marry her?”

“I suppose it is up to her. She still seems fond of you,” Sunggyu spoke and watched him carefully.

“But I don’t want to marry her,” Woohyun replied with eyes wide, scared or worried. In any case, he was unnerved.

Sunggyu smirked. “I suppose her dowry is not nearly enough to tempt you, is it?”

“You still think so little of me,” Woohyun spat back. “I do not love her, so I will not marry her. It is as simple as that.” He then walked up to walk past the other. “I am not a stumbling block in your relationship with her, rest assured.” Instead of moving forward, he lingered by the elder’s side to await for his reaction. And whatever had flashed across his face in response, had Woohyun stepping back and in front of him. “Do you love her?” Sunggyu did not speak a word or move an inch. “Will you _not_ marry her?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” Sunggyu finally spoke.

“Sunggyu,” it had been a long time since his name had passed through those lips. “Love is not something that you decide to do. It happens.”

“Marriage is something you decide on,” Sunggyu argued. That was the question he answered, after all: would he marry B. “You cannot always marry whom you love.” This conversation had veered into uncomfortable territory. He wanted to expose Woohyun’s intentions and not his own.

“True,” Woohyun agreed, then hung his head, letting out a heavy sigh. He then raised his head again, with a gaze too soft for the moment, too hopeful. “However _you_ can. You and I are in a position where we can be with the one we love. That, I guess, is the benefit of being an independent orphan.”

“Provided that the one whom I love loves me back,” Sunggyu’s throat felt tight and dry, which affected his voice.

“Of course,” Woohyun was quick with his reply and a smile. Sunggyu felt the weight of confusion pull down at his brow and the corners of his lips. He tucked his lips into his mouth before they fell too far. But Woohyun still laughed.

“What is it?” Sunggyu shifted quickly into a glare.

“Your face is too honest,” Woohyun answered through his chuckles.

“That is the second time I have heard that this week,” Sunggyu spoke through an exhale. “I have never heard it before now. I guess with my age it has become more honest.”

“It had always been honest, but you are only hearing of it now,” Woohyun replied with a shake of his head. “I could always tell what you were thinking.”

“That’s not true.”

“Maybe not always, but _very_ often,” Wooohyun amended. The laughter went away but left a soft smile in its wake. “This is the most civil conversation that we’ve shared in a long while. It reminds me that we were friends once. We were close.”

Indeed, they were close. When Woohyun and his brother entered their house, they entered into Sunggyu’s life as well, becoming like family, almost family. Sunggyu wouldn’t call Woohyun a brother. No, that wouldn’t be appropriate, but they were close. As young boys they played as young boys do, running, chasing, and tumbling in the grass, swimming in the lake at their whims, watching the movement of the clouds or stars (depending on the time of day), laying side by side. Back then Sunggyu had shared much with the younger, his home, his parents, (at times) his bed, his joys, his concerns, and especially his secrets. Secrets that only they’d share together under the veil of night and a thin bedsheet, spoken through breeze-like whispers.

“We were, but then…things happened.” And now a chasm of distrust and disrespect kept them apart.

“What _did_ happen between us, exactly?” Woohyun asked. “I felt like I woke up one morning and was suddenly hated by you. Why?”

“You broke my sister’s heart.” A wave of emotions leapt into his throat so Sunggyu swallowed it back down. “And mine.”

“What?” Woohyun was in disbelief. “I never meant to.”

“Well, you did.” Then Sunggyu walked away and into the shrine, suddenly feeling the need for meditation and prayer.

But that did little to quell the storm surrounding Sunggyu. Instead the winds picked up and swept him up into the eye of it. He tried to keep calm while the world about him was falling into disarray.

“D is gone! My sister has run away!” B’s announcement crashed down like a bolt of lightening.

D had been invited to visit the troops with her friend who had been recently married to the captain. It should have been a safe and harmless trip, but D fell victim to her own fantasies that she announced she’d marry one of the soldiers and was gone the following morning.

“Who was it?” Jieun was the one to ask the question on their minds. All of them were familiar with only one soldier in that troop.

B was crying. “I don’t know, but…but Woohyun-ssi had announced his resignation a day before. I fear that D went to follow him.”

Sunggyu burst out of the room immediately. Just days before, because of a smile and a few kind words about the past, Sunggyu contemplated bridging the gap between them and reconciling. Now he was going to split the chasm into a complete break, never to be rejoined again.

But to do so, he needed to find D and Woohyun, unannounced and unexpected so that Woohyun would realize that Sunggyu was fully aware of his dastardly character.

However, what happened when Sunggyu appeared in the town, unannounced, was unexpected. D had returned to the home of her friend, still set on marrying the young officer who was, much to his surprise, not Woohyun but a small man with a toothy grin and a guilty conscious, which brought him and D back from the brink of elopement.

And it brought Sunggyu to a brink of a mental breakdown. However, he had enough of a mind to write to B about the situation. D was fine, her virtue intact, but engaged to a silly man, which probably suited her. He didn’t return home after his discovery because he wasn’t done with his search. But he didn’t know where else to look for Woohyun. So he went to Sungyeol’s place in the city. He had much to discuss with his friend, starting with A.

After talking with Sungyeol and encouraging him to trust his heart, Sunggyu filled him in on what brought him to the city in the first place. “Isn’t he at his store at the west side of the city? Right?”

“What? What store?”

“I swore I wrote to you about it, didn’t I?”

“Sungyeol, you haven’t written to me since I left!”

“Oh, in that case, Woohyun opened a shoe store, where I bought these,” Sungyeol showed the other his shoes. “They look nice, but they’re a little tight. But I am too afraid to tell Woohyun because he might cry.”

“What do you mean?”

“Woohyun, he cries a lot,” Sungyeol answered, appearing more and more confused the more this conversation progressed. “You should know because _you_ make him cry the most.”

Sunggyu rubbed his head. “No, the shoes. When did he learn how to make shoes?”

“I didn’t know he learned either, but I meet him on the streets the other day. He told me that after your father passed away, he left to learn the trade…”

“With the money my father willed him?”

“I suppose so.”

“I thought he wasted it!”

“Oh, well, his master ran away with most of it. Woohyun had loaned it to him to help with the store, but the man left as soon as the money entered his hands.”

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

“Well, it’s awfully embarrassing, isn’t it? But I suppose it isn’t anymore, since due to this and that, Woohyun owns his master’s shop now! Imagine that! He still barely knows how to cobble shoes together, but he owns a shop. I guess, things are turning around for him.”

Things were indeed turning around, and in Sunggyu’s own head too, things were turning. Views were flipping.

“Can you give me the address to the store?”

Sunggyu didn’t go to the store that day or the following day, but once he built up his courage and let go of his pride, he walked into the store, even though the sign had just turned from ‘open’ to ‘close.’

“Woohyun, why didn’t you tell me about this?”

Woohyun was startled, of course, at Sunggyu’s sudden arrival but quickly gathered himself and began to gather his belongings around the shop. “I wasn’t aware that I had to keep you apprised of my every move.”

“I suppose you don’t, but…I had heard you left the troops and that D ran away. That girl was _so_ fond of you and followed you all over that I had thought…”

Woohyun stiffened. “You thought that I eloped with D-ssi?”

“I had not heard from you,” Sunggyu defended himself. “I had heard that you resigned from the troops, but I had not heard what happened to you since. What was I supposed to think?”

“Not the worst of me.” Woohyun threw the gloves in his hand at the wall. “God damn it, Kim Sunggyu. Think the best of me for once.” He had his hands on his hips as he huffed in anger, “I am trying to do my best here, stand on my own two feet, but I suppose nothing I can do will impress you at this point.”

“You’re not doing all of this to impress me…are you?”

“Of course not. I am trying to make a living. Impressing you would have been a nice byproduct of my efforts,” Woohyun was smarmy in his reply and continued to clean up the store.

Sunggyu followed his steps around the room. “Well…I am impressed. You’ve really accomplished something here, Woohyun. I…I am impressed.”

Woohyun turned around and stared at the other, estimating the sincerity of his words which could be seen etched in his face. He deemed them to be true. “Thank you.” He then sighed, heavily and letting go his anger along with it. “If you’re going to linger in my shop like this, you might as well stay for dinner.”

Sunggyu accepted, of course. It would be rude of him to decline. The meal wasn’t to his tastes, but the conversation was. Perhaps because he was the one doing most of the talking. Sunggyu was bridging the gap between them, laying stone after stone, word after word, until the both of them could meet in the middle.

Sunggyu had told Woohyun that Jieun was honest in her feelings for him. She had wanted to marry him. Woohyun admitted that he realized that when it was too late, and he resolved leave so that the feelings could go away. If only it were that easy.

“I never meant to give your sister that impression, believe me,” Woohyun confessed. His treatment of Jieun had not changed from his childhood self to his adult self. He was foolish enough to think that it would not make a difference. One does not jokingly make confessions of love to a woman of a marriageable age.

Sunggyu sighed. “I don’t think you’re aware of how your…playful banter comes off to some people. It is easy to assume that you feel more than you actually do.”

Woohyun shook his head. “No, no.” His eyes were wide and steady. “I have always been consistent in my feelings.”

Sunggyu raised an eyebrow. “Always?”

“Always…against my better judgement at times. I have been in love with the same person for…years,” Woohyun revealed, quietly, painfully.

Sunggyu’s throat felt tight and dry again. “And it’s not my sister?” Not all of the wine at the table could relieve this discomfort.

“No, and you know very well that it’s not,” his voice was steady now, and his gaze too, right on the gentleman across from him.

“Then who?”

Woohyun stood up to gather the plates. He spoke with his back turned to the other. “I won’t say the name, but I will say this: at times I am afraid that the person I love exists only in the past. I don’t quite love who this person became.”

“Then perhaps you should move on,” Sunggyu advised him.

Another heavy sigh and a tensed back. “I am trying my damnedest.”

Sunggyu looked down at the empty table. The meal had ended. He should go. But, he tugged at his collar, this uncomfortable dryness in his throat, his parched lips. He didn’t want to leave quite yet. “Do you have any tea?”

Woohyun dropped the plates into the sink, sending a loud clatter throughout the kitchen. He whipped his head back to the other, his visage incredulous. He then scoffed, shook his head, and turned back around. “I’ll put a kettle on.”

After his night spent there, Sunggyu was quickly whisked away to Sungyeol’s estate back out in the country. He settled on proposing to A and doing so that instant. And so the two of them left. Sungyeol proposed, and she accepted. And now the two friends and A’s entire family was at the estate. Most of the party continued the jovial celebration in the parlor, accompanied by C’s dismal piano-playing which could not damper their high spirits. Sunggyu was tired from the festivities and the travelling (and practicing the proposal with Sungyeol over and over again), so he retired to the library. He was not alone. E had been reticent ever since D’s marriage, and now A was to marry a man of immense wealth. E had lost all hope of being as happily married as her sisters, even though she was still very young and hadn’t been out in society for more than a year. B followed him as well, which was not surprising. The two of them had become good friends as of late.

 “What _are_ you reading?” B whispered to him, over the top of her own book.

“It was one of my favorites during my youth,” Sunggyu confessed after showing the title of the rather juvenile book. “I felt as if I’d lost myself these past years, and, well, I wanted to revisit who I once was.”

“It was one of my favorites too,” B confessed as well with a smile, which faded away the more her eyes lingered on the man. “Sunggyu-ssi, are you ever going to ask me to marry you?”

Sunggyu closed the book and put it down. “I am sorry but no,” was his answer.

“I must confess, I do not know whether I am disappointed or relieved,” B replied, placing her own book down in her lap. “I enjoy spending time with you, but…life with you would not have been easy.”

He frowned. “Am I that difficult of a person?”

“Your heart wouldn’t have been in it, not as much as mine,” she explained. “I envy the person who is able to hold your entire heart.”

Guilt racked the man. “I apologize if I wasted your time. I know that for a young woman marriage is…”

“Please, don’t apologize,” B interjected. “If I were desperate to marry, I would’ve accepted my cousin’s proposal last summer.” She laughed at his reaction. “You’re surprised. You don’t need to be, as Mijoo would say, an _accomplished_ lady to have an offer of marriage and decline it.” She got up from her seat and walked closer to the fire, watching it burn with a fond smile. “I want to marry for love, just like my sister.”

“Do you love me then?”

“Yes, in a way,” she confessed and faced him again. “I love you far less now that I know don’t love me.”

“I do lo—”

“We cherish each other,” she interjected once more. “I think that is the better word for it, but we lack the passion of love.” She walked over to the chair that he was sitting in. “The way we look at each other, it’s not like how A looks at Sungyeol or he looks at her, as if they’re the only people in the room. As for us, I am always aware of the other people in the room. My sister has been snoring in that corner for the past half hour.”

He laughed at her joke and then cringed at the thought of his own sister. “As for noona, she’ll be disappointed that we won’t marry. She has grown quite fond of you.”

“Hm, I have a feeling that I may settle near her in the future,” she revealed, settling into her seat as a coy smile settled onto her lips.

Sunggyu did not have to wait for long to see what B meant by that. Her stays at her cousin’s place brought her closer with a particular Kim Myungsoo, who enjoyed her wit and her handsome face and considered those qualities to be a fine enough dowry. They married within the year.

Jieun herself was married not long after, much to everyone’s surprise. She had let very few men into her heart, one of them being a man who later entered the navy and rose up in the ranks, becoming a man of great esteem. They had met when they were just teens and fell hard and fast for one another. Hearing Jieun’s story reminded Sunggyu of Sungyeol and A. It was instantaneous and still true. However, like Sunggyu had objected earlier to Sungyeol’s union, his father had objected to Jieun’s. But driving them apart did not drive the navy man out of her heart. And with the exception of Woohyun, she had truly considered no other man as a husband, which was why all of her prospects failed. Her heart wasn’t in it, and her suitors knew it. It was with the navy man who was in foreign waters. But he returned one day, with feet back on Korean soil and at her doorstep. He happened to be a guest at Myungsoo’s estate when Sunggyu invited the gentleman and his party to dine with them. The navy man’s love, like Jieun’s, had not simmered even though ten long years passed.

Because one cannot decide on who to love. It just happens. Sunggyu was ready to accept that now.

“I cannot remember the last time that I stepped foot inside of this home,” Woohyun announced as he crossed over the threshold into Sunggyu’s house. He was staying for Jieun’s wedding celebrations, eager to see her happy once more.

“I can,” Sunggyu remarked and greeted the other at the door with a warm, tight embrace.

“Well, technically I can too, but it has just been a long time,” Woohyun amended.

“Too long. You should have visited earlier.”

“I wasn’t invited.”

“Has that ever stopped you before?”

“I supposed it hasn’t,” Woohyun replied with a chuckle. “But recently I have gotten my fill of you whenever you stay in the city.”

“Your fill? Am I really that much?” Sunggyu challenged.

“I don’t think you realize how frequently you conduct _business_ in the city recently,” Woohyun revealed. “Or visit my shop. I have been asked if you are a part owner of it.”

“I offered,” Sunggyu reminded him.

“And I declined,” the other brought up. “Sunggyu, do you know what being ‘independent’ means? I am working hard to be able to support myself on my own.”

“I don’t see why you are so set on being completely independent. Relying on someone will not hurt you,” the elder argued.

“Says the man who has the fortune ten times more than I make in my lifetime…and who has hurt me far more than that,” Woohyun’s voice dropped to a low grumble as he ambled down the halls he used to call home.

“You are grossly overestimating my…”

“I am not,” he interjected and turned to give Sunggyu a glare sharp enough to silence through stone, and Sunggyu’s pride.

“I am sorry. I am genuinely sorry…for everything,” Sunggyu apologized. “My true fortune is that you still talk to me after all I have done.”

A smile overtook the younger’s face so quickly that it made Sunggyu wary. “It is alright,” Woohyun dismissed. “No one is the same after their parents pass away.”  
“You were,” Sunggyu retorted.

“I was not.” Woohyun ambled into the parlor and sat down on the sofa. Sunggyu did the same, eyes fixed on the younger. “I was just…young when it happened, and I did not become head of a large household like you. I also had your parents who looked after me…I am in no way saying I had an easier time, but our situations were different.”

“Ah, true, I didn’t know you well before you entered this house,” Sunggyu admitted. It would be impossible for him to know how much he’d changed back then. Now, however, was a different matter. He knew every change, from the new wrinkle creasing in the younger’s forehead to the small scratch on his ring finger. “But I know you very well now.”

“Do you?” Woohyun didn’t seem convinced, so Sunggyu tried his best to prove just how much he knew, rambling off facts and memories. But their jaunt down memory lane was cut short by his sister, who was standing in front of them.

“Are you two ever going to greet me? I have been standing here for the past ten minutes!”

The future bride did not remain disgruntled for long. How could she? She was marrying the love of her life. Sunggyu, however, was not looking forward to the wedding and the empty house that would follow it. He wonder if he’d ask someone to stay, would he say ‘yes,’ in spite of all the pain he caused. He was deep in these thoughts as he stood in front of his bedroom’s fireplace, drinking wine, when the door suddenly opened. The man in his thoughts was at the door.

“What are you doing in here?”

“Earlier it seemed like you wanted me to barge in uninvited,” Woohyun said with a playful grin on his face as he came inside. Like Sunggyu, he was dressed in his bedclothes, and also like Sunggyu, it seemed like some nagging thoughts kept him from sleep. He poured himself a glass of wine too.

“Not into my bedroom,” Sunggyu retorted as he placed his glass on the mantel and crossed his arms.

“Why not? I have done it before,” Woohyun recalled and took a heavy swig. “It hasn’t changed much. Still reading the same old books, I see.” He picked up a book from the nightstand, another favorite novel from his youth.

“I just felt like reading them.” Sunggyu walked over and took the book from the other, setting it back down. “Woohyun…are you still…consistent? Are you still in love with the same person, as you have been, for years?”

Woohyun sighed deeply. “It depends.” He drained his glass.  
“On what?”

“On you,” he answered and walked over to the fireplace, back to the other, leaving Sunggyu with his thoughts and with the decision.

Which was easy for him to make. “Can you be, please?”

Woohyun turned back around, the fire cast a shadow making him hard to see. “You want to be loved?” Sunggyu nodded. He stepped forward. Now the elder could read the disbelief on his face. “Sunggyu, you had been acting so…ignorant that I thought I had imagined…everything, everything that happened between us.”

“I am sorry,” Sunggyu came closer too as he spoke. He had been playing at ignorance this entire time. And that was what hurt Woohyun the most, Sunggyu knew it and kept playing at ignorance. He acted like nothing had happened between them, none of those kisses shared under the moonlight or sweet words exchanged over the pillows, none of those soft but heated touches, none of those powerful and delightful yet terrifying feelings, nothing. Because Sunggyu thought he could decide to love Woohyun no longer. That thought was fortified by hasty judgements he made about the younger and flares of jealousy when Woohyun appeared to favor another. He thought Woohyun decided to stop loving him too. But that decision wasn’t theirs to make. “I thought it would be better to forget and move on. I didn’t dare to hope that we could…”

“I did,” Woohyun spoke lowly. “I hoped.”

“How?”

He shrugged. “Because I couldn’t forget, as much as I tried.”

Sunggyu fell down onto his bed and rubbed his face in his hands. “And I didn’t try hard enough to move on,” he confessed. He could have married; he almost married. But he didn’t want to. He’d rather do this: sit on his bed with his arms outstretched to Woohyun, silently begging the other to join him. Woohyun complied, falling into the embrace and the two of them fell onto the bed.

“I still love you,” Woohyun’s voice was nearly lost in the folds of Sunggyu’s shirt. The elder still heard it and kissed the younger for it.

“You still have my whole heart.”

 **In the near future:** Sunggyu spent most of his time in the city now, away from that big and nearly empty house. He had much business to conduct their anyway, especially after Woohyun allowed him to invest in the store. Although neither of them could marry the man that they loved, it didn’t prevent them from staying with one another, just as in love as the day before.


End file.
